


Frame of the Future

by Sombereyes



Series: Loneliness [2]
Category: Mai-HiME
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, frienship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-28
Packaged: 2017-12-27 22:03:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sombereyes/pseuds/Sombereyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Edge of Loneliness. Natsuki and Shizuru can only grow stronger within their love, but as misfortune falls around them like a cloak, they find that they have more to learn about each other, and the bond they share. People must always go on, even when times are tough. The clouds will rain, and the sun will shine. Life and love never stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So, Shannon and I decided before the new year that we would do a sequel to "Edge of Loneliness." We've finally gotten around to the first chapter. This is it...so if you haven't read the first story, you'll be lost by this one. You should go read "Edge of Loneliness" first. This story answers a few questions we left open before, and will be a little longer than the last fiction. There is an angst undertone in later chapters, and also some drama...though we've made sure to retain the fluffiness and Shiz/Nat dynamic from the first story. We hope you enjoy the first chapter!
> 
> Don't own the anime or the video game depicted in this fan fiction.

Frame of the Future, Part 1

Her voice was a soft drone as she read the words on the page aloud. The thick book perched in her lap. It was something of taboo, she felt uneasy, reading the thoughts and impressions of a woman now long gone. Still, it was with Natsuki's loving support, that Shizuru had muddled through a few select pages thus far. Some of them were dark and gritty, others seemed to impart wisdom among poetic lines and phrases...a good number of them had even been scribbled in drunken stupor, those ones above and beyond the call of haphazard.

The current passage fell from her lips easily, and perhaps struck home a little more than had ever been intended by Natsuki's mother, the woman who had put pen to this paper.

Flicker...like a moth to a flame. Light the candle, so that you can be happy. Stand up, so that you no longer have to sit down in the pit of nothingness. Like a tiny light of hope, cradle it within your hands, and send a prayer...because if you do, you just might find something...waiting for you alone. Someone, breathtaking...within the eyes of the person who understands...but listen well, my child...you can not do that alone. Just like the dripping tears of redemption, so too, comes a path of hardships, and a road that can not simply be shrugged away.

You must stand...you must fight...you must yield...you must fall.

In doing so, you will find solace. You will find the weight upon your soul lifted, and the burdens of your past will be swept away. You will stand tall, gazing out at everything, and nothing. The void of your own heart endless, the vastness a sight to behold, and to be understood. So, reach out, and find what you will...stand up against the tides...if you do this, you will prevail. You will become strong.

It may seem inconsequential. Pointless, to try to understand such a dreary void as one's own self...however, that truth becomes even more so, when you've let yourself become tainted with preconceived notions, and hateful slander about the world, one that many choose to hate. It's idealistic, and perhaps, purgatory would be the best place for a soul filled with ideals such as those. Perhaps, my child, you will grow to hate me, and my work...I fear you may never comprehend the reasons behind it...or that, if you did, you'd fail to see the world around you for what it is, or possibly, what it has the potential to be.

That is no life to live.

The rest of the page had been ripped off. There was nothing else in the book, this one, the final entry. It seemed as though no matter how many times the book had been opened, this page had never been fully appreciated. Perhaps it was because that page spoke of finality. An ending to a woman who did so much, strove so far in her life. She was the epitome of a single mother, so much so, that there were many passages about day to day life with a baby. This was not the first diary, but instead, the last. It was the one Natsuki treasured most, one that within the pit of her memories, she could recall her mother putting the pen to paper.

Natsuki found herself unable to be saddened by the words, instead, there were many nights in her youth, when instead she'd clung onto them, feeling as if there were no other hope. Very recently, she'd begin to allow Shizuru to read the pages that Natsuki held so close to her heart. "She was in an accident, they got her out of the car, but by then it was pretty much a lost cause. I was in the hospital for nearly a year after that, and mom never came out. She would write though, every night...in fact that page was the last one in this book, because she actually had another one...but, I never opened that one."

"Why not?" The question fell upon the air, and felt like a brick.

Shizuru's eyes landed on the open robe Natsuki had on, with nothing underneath it, the silky smooth skin within both tantalizing, and marred by life's difficulties. It was not what Shizuru was looking for though, as her eyes trailed lower, watching as the young woman curled her toes around the bedsheets. It was something Natsuki did when she was thinking deeply, or found herself incredibility aroused. It was the former this time, and the way Natsuki tilted her head, was both beautifully sensuous, and yet, completely vulnerable. It was a side of her so few got to see, completely womanly, and not without her own insecurities that played across her features freely in the privacy of their bedroom.

Finally, in a whisper she spoke.

"My mom liked to write about anything that came to mind...and that last diary is about her final days alive. A family friend of ours wrote them for her, by that time, she was so weak she couldn't write, so she just dictated." Natsuki's words were soft then, but not entirely sad. "I don't want to read it. I don't want to know what was going through her mind...knowing that no matter what she did, the damage she took in the crash wasn't going to be repaired. She went through eight surgeries you know...it was because of her job, and how well known she was, that I always got to see her before she got really bad. Sometimes, they'd even take my bed up from the kid's ward and let me sleep there with her...if I didn't have rehab the next day."

"Your mother was amazing, Natsuki." Shizuru said, her fingers tracing over the words etched in rich history. "Honestly, I never thought someone so devoted to her studies, could be so eloquent...her diary, it's quite beautiful." Filled with advise, things that made so much sense, that it became an inspiration. Perhaps, she assumed, it would prove so inspirational, that she herself should begin to write down her own wisdom to pass onward, just as Natsuki's mother had done. "It really makes a person wonder just how many things she didn't write, but might have thought about."

"You say that like it's some huge mystery, but my mom was always like that." Natsuki said softly, with a cup of warm tea at her side. "She always said some of the oddest things. I guess I just got used to it...only just recently have I actually begun to understand her words. Even so, it's kinda funny...each and every passage she wrote down, she seemed to do it with me in mind. There's nothing about my dad in there at all...or my family." She knew she had to get dressed, her afternoon nap lasting longer than it should have. "I'm kinda pissed that you never had the chance to meet her, I bet she would have liked you...she would have said something about keeping Nao and I out of trouble, and would have spoiled the hell outta Alyssa every chance she got."

"Are you sure she would have liked me?" Shizuru continued to admire the leather bound book.

"Are you kidding? She would have, trust me." It was the only one that Natsuki kept tightly wrapped, safe and hidden in the top drawer of her nightstand...still, there were occasions when she's pull out the thick, brown book. She'd read yellowing pages, and with great care, she would run her fingers along the beaten, warn out lines of the letters. "My mom was always saying the only thing she ever wanted, was for me to be happy...you make me happy, and she would know that." Her fingers slipped over Shizuru's for a moment, locking them, and peering down in a slight little blush. "I was always off by myself when I was little, and so she always told me that. I think, she always knew I would be at least a little different." She stood up to get dressed then, the actions forced, she really hadn't wanted to leave the warm embrace they'd been sharing on the bed.

Shizuru rarely saw Natsuki linger over the book, but she knew it happened often...right around the time Natsuki lost her mother. Every year, around the time, Natsuki got quiet, and calm...at least, that's what Nao and Mai said. "You were a lonely little girl, weren't you?" Last year, around this time, Natsuki was the same.

Natsuki paused at the question, her fingers grasping into the hem of her jeans just a little more than she needed to do before shaking her head. "At times, I guess." It was so like Shizuru to think about something like that, to worry about her well being in a way no one else would. "I never really thought about it, normally it hurt to much to try." Natsuki said then, her eyes falling upon the laughter outside. The voices belonged to many, but only one voice was that of a little girl. "Don't you think it's kinda weird? Alyssa never really talks about school, and my friends are the only people she asks about...doesn't she have anyone her own age, Shizuru?"

"Alyssa is a wallflower...she's happy to be that way." It was the dismissive truth, but even so, it was the only answer Shizuru had. "Unless she herself takes issue with it, I find there isn't really any reason to intervene." Nine years old...the blond was a growing girl, but, she was still just as shy as ever, especially around kids her own age. "Her teachers say she's a joy to have in class, but that she's quiet. Apparently, it's hard to get her to work with the other students, and she'd rather do big projects on her own."

"She's a smart kid." Natsuki shrugged as she pulled on her shirt, looking out of her window, watching the festivities of throwing leaves back and forth. "But, Mai and Nao aren't going to be around forever. One day, when Takumi is completely better, Mai will begin to do things for herself. Who really knows when Nao will finally find her own place to be...but once she does, I can almost guarantee it won't be here." Natsuki took a sip of the warm tea she was holding before setting it back down and stretching. "This is all very fragile, and one day, it will break...and it should."

"I'm not sure I understand, Natsuki." Shizuru said slowly, closing the book, and walking to the window. With a hesitant hand, she touched Natsuki's shoulder, and with that simple gesture, Natsuki pulled Shizuru closer, her arm around the other woman. "They look like they're having a good time, don't they?" Nao was in the process of stuffing a handful of the colorful foliage down the front of Mai's shirt, the busty girl shrieking in response, trying to rid herself of the offending hand.

"We built an impenetrable wall growing up, because we had to. We didn't have any other choice back then...no way to really deal with our problems...so we didn't. The thing is though, is one day, Nao will let go of the fact her mother will never wake up...when she does, she'll have to find something else to consume her time. She'll have to find her own place in this world, and Mai...she's closer to that point than Nao and I want to admit." Natsuki smiled softly, as such a thing was not only expected, it was welcomed. "Alyssa needs people, Shizuru...friends who will carry her, like Mai and Nao carried me. Sure, we can say that she doesn't...that we can fill the voids...but there's a place for everyone...and Mai and Nao belong in a different place for Alyssa...at a different time, and perspective."

"You've been thinking about that a lot, haven't you?" Shizuru asked then, her words gentle like the breeze outside.

"More than I wanted, when I first started thinking about it." Still, it was a truth that rang far and wide. "Mai and Nao will always be around somehow, I know that...but it won't be the same as today, or tomorrow." Her eyes fell to the deep colored liquid in her cup, watching as the steam escaped from it. "When that time comes, who will Alyssa have by her side? Who will carry her when we can't? She is reaching the age that she'll begin to cling onto everything she's ever known, while being ripped away from the childhood she thought would last forever. What friends will she have for that?"

Shizuru nodded, often feeling the same, but didn't say anything as the alarm on Natsuki's phone beeped it's little tune. "I have class tonight." Natsuki sighed then, her school books were already packed and ready to go. "It's my late night tonight, are you sure you don't want them to stay around? Mai's got the day off, and Nao skips our science class anyway."

"We'll be fine, Natsuki." Shizuru said softly. "We always are, you know."

"Yeah, yeah. I still worry though." Natsuki looked down at her sleeveless black shirt and comfortably baggy jeans, ones that just happened to have a hole in one of the knees. "It isn't dress code, but at least I won't piss everyone off by taking the bike today. Think I'll walk." The truth was, Natsuki hadn't received her permit to park on campus yet, and with limited spaces, she didn't want to get in trouble like she had on the first week of class. "I'll be back later."

"Stay safe." Shizuru said then, giving Natsuki a lingering kiss before letting the shorter woman leave, before she did end up being late. Idly, she heard Natsuki bellow in Nao's general direction...but true to form, Nao had stuck up a middle finger towards the house, likely aimed at Natsuki. Shizuru shook her head, the knowledge of just who Alyssa spent her time with hadn't been lost on her. Mai was a wonderful influence, Nao...well, she was the bane of every moral, rule, and courtesy one could fathom. Natsuki wasn't exactly the best role model either, and a very haphazard person during the best of times.

Try though she might to quell some of the inappropriateness that seemed to slip freely from their mouths, it was a failing endeavor. Shizuru had finally, though not willingly, accepted that Natsuki and Nao would forever cuss up a storm, and Alyssa would forever be around it. It would be apart of daily life, and it would be inevitable when she had to answer many odd questions as a result. Sooner rather than later seemed to be the motto.

Some battles simply weren't worth fighting about. There was also some good to it, Shizuru assumed, that while Nao and Natsuki weren't exactly the most well rounded people Alyssa could model herself after, Shizuru knew first hand there were far worse outside of the household. Behind all of Nao's brazen actions and uncouth words, lay a very protective and motivated young woman...who, if Shizuru were honest, had taken a liking to Alyssa nearly instantly. At first, the young blond was likely simply a tool for harassing Natsuki, but somewhere along the line, Shizuru knew it had changed. If anything, Alyssa would have an army backing her up in her life, and Nao would be one of the people leading the pack.

Sometimes, Shizuru found herself pondering if that was really such a good thing or not...Nao and Natsuki were not exactly known for speaking calmly, or rationally around each other.

Natsuki was right though, things would eventually change among their little group. It couldn't stay that way forever, no matter how perfect it seemed. It was with that logic, that Shizuru returned back to her own reading...a trashy romance novel she'd been meaning to finish, but simply hadn't had the time. The house phone rang twice...both of them telemarketers, and within what seemed only an hour, Shizuru had found herself for not the first time letting her mind wander from the pages in front of her, to the coloring sky outside...somewhere along the lines, outside laughter had changed to inside laughter, and with that came sounds of video game violence blaring across the television in the common area of the house, by the sounds of it, it was something Alyssa shouldn't be partaking in, but again, Shizuru dismissed it.

She, herself had been exposed to far worse as a child after all...if a few zombies were the worst Alyssa saw at the end of the day, on an outdated game system no less, then it was all fine and dandy. The smell of hot chocolate wafted through the house, and also, Mai's noodles, the promised dinner of the evening. It would be well past nightfall before Natsuki got home, and while Shizuru was pleased to let Alyssa have her fun, she knew homework was still in order. There was something routine settling over Shizuru, and while that was a comfort in and of itself, she had to wonder what life would be like if she was just a little younger.

After a little over a year of being in love, there was an unsettling aura around her. Natsuki was still young, and full of spunk, especially around her friends and Alyssa. Mai had grown in leaps and bounds, all because of her brother. She was the responsible one...still, she didn't have the age, or perspective that Shizuru had...

Age...

That's what bugged her, though she didn't dare say anything about it.

…  
(Shizuru POV)

I'm twenty-nine years old, and Natsuki is nineteen. I'm ten years her senior. I don't think Natsuki's taken much notice to that fact, or, if she has, she clearly hasn't said anything about being concerned by it. The thing is, like every little thing Natsuki does, she does it without thinking about it. If, however, a problem seems to arise, Natsuki becomes consumed by her mind, and inadvertently, the places it takes her. That why we all prefer when Natsuki's mind is clear. Trust me when I say she does many things...reckless things, when she's unable to clear her thoughts, or ebb particular emotions...There are times, I know, that in the dead of night she won't wake me up, even though I feel her stirring next to me.

In utter terror, she'll lay frozen after waking up from a dream...a haunted memory...and she'll go about her day like it never happened.

Natsuki's got a stubborn streak...and a strong sense of pride. So strong in fact, she finds it difficult to say things sometimes, and we've both built a relationship based on feelings, thoughts, and wishes left unsaid. How we managed to do that, I'm not quite sure, but we did. I've never tried to question it. However, some have called it an oddity, and, I'd have to agree. Natsuki has only just begun to talk to me about the deeper subjects in her mind, and even when she does, I find it sporadic at best. She'd rather focus on others than herself. That's fine with me, honestly.

Though, the truth is, ten years isn't just a short time.

It's not just a drop in the bucket, or a moment ticking on the clock. It's a very precious thing many take for granted. For a woman, that holds an even deeper truth. A man never withers away, so long as he can keep himself in good shape, but a woman's time for precious things are limited, and, when you get to be my age, you begin to notice. While you may have ten or twenty more years ahead of you before that happens, that's time you shouldn't waste. Who knows after all, how long it will be? Who has an exact day?

The answer is that we don't.

So, due to questions we will never have answers for, we women do our best with what time we have. We strive to make our way in a world dominated by men, while, having the joys a woman should have...sadly though, the new age isn't so new...and quickly gender roles will fall into place, purely by the facts of nature. A man is to be with a woman...that's what we're taught...notice quickly, however, we've begun to damn such a rule into hell, thankfully, but with every step forward, evolutions seems fit in staying behind.

Women still need men, men still need women, and, until evolution or science takes a forward leap beyond reasonable measure, that won't ever change. Surely we have ways to get around sleeping with the opposite sex, but that doesn't mean it's affordable, or easy to come by.

As a woman, I'm in my prime, this would be the opportune time to raise a few more children...they say sex is better after thirty, but I can tell you as time goes on, any sex is still better sex than the years before...generally, by that time, you at least understand what you like, and what you don't...either way, it doesn't last forever.

Sooner or later, menopause will strike...and with it, will come the answers that a good number of people find shame in. I won't, it's a simple fact of life...but, ten years, when compared to life like that...it's a gap very few would dare to reach across. Alyssa is nine, another example of how life, and time, seem to get away from you. At one day old...until about three years, it's more noticeable, each month is a huge leap in and of itself...but then, time slows a bit, and the child gets to be a child...but still, in the back of your mind, you're trying to reason with the fact that your baby, well, she isn't a baby anymore.

Where does the time go?

That's why I worry. For some people, it may seem meaningless...and Natsuki is happy not to be bothered by it...but I can't just shrug it off...not when I've seen the significance of such realities. I'm happy with mundane routine, and so is Natsuki...I guess, I was just more free spirited at her age. She's rational, and generally, very leveled headed. Underneath the tough front, there's a very fragile soul that cares deeply for the world around it. You'd never guess just by looking at her, and if you happened to get on her bad side, you would never think of her to be anything beyond hot tempered...but the truth is, Natsuki is very much a young woman.

While Natsuki would never admit this, she comes along with all of the insecurities one might expect, and a few more that are unexpected, but understandable.

Does the idea of our difference bug her? Does it worry her? Even if she's never said anything, it doesn't mean she's not afraid of it, Natsuki and I both keep many burdens bottled inside. It just works that way, and we've no need to change it. I'm worried though, I'm worried I may end up hurting her down the line, when I can't give her something she may want, and we may not be able to afford the means to do so. She treats Alyssa as her own, and that's a gift beyond measure, but, for Natsuki, will it be enough?

If it isn't, will she tell me?

That isn't on her mind right now, and I honestly wonder if it ever will be. Still, there are days, like today, when she'll make a comment here or there, about Mai and Nao not being around as much, or, that one day they'll move on. She'll say that they're beginning to become the people they should be. She speaks as if she's waiting for the day when Nao doesn't try to barge into the house at whim, and when Mai finds time for herself. She's waiting for the family she had, the protection they built, to finally fall apart. She's worried about Alyssa, because when it finally does happen, Alyssa will see the change.

Natsuki's protective, they all are...so I'm not nearly as worried about that as Natsuki is...but change is on the wind...and I'm not quite sure what to think about it.

…

"I've gotta go home and study." Mai frowned when Alyssa clung onto her even more than before. "I've got a test, you wouldn't want me to fail it, would you?"

"But you're really good at cooking, so that one shouldn't be a problem." Alyssa returned, trying to convince Mai to stay for a little while longer.

"It's not my cooking class I'm worried about." Mai shook her head, it was always so hard to go home, for a number of reasons. "It's my history test...our teacher is crazy about it, and if I fail the test, she'll load me up on so much work, you could go swimming in it." Alyssa was one of them.

"You think that's a bad thing?" Alyssa said then.

"Yeah, it's bad...unless you want to get paper cuts all over the place." Nao returned, though her eyes never left the screen. "Come on, we can blast away some brains without Mai. Plus, you and I both know she'll be back strutting around here tomorrow." After she jammed her thumb on the pause button, she held up the thick strategy guide. "I need someone to read to me what I do next, I wanna fully clear this game with a perfect score, and I'll need help if I wanna do that, so you gonna help me Squirt? Or are you going to make me wait until the mutt gets home?"

Alyssa had grown a love for spending time with Mai and Nao...but as her big blue eyes looked up at Mai, she could feel herself losing the battle. "You will be back tomorrow, right?"

"In the morning before you go to school." Mai nodded. "I need to ride with Natsuki anyway, since I'll be carrying my uniform for cooking class."

"Do you promise?" Alyssa's question was the last of her resolve.

"If she isn't, I'll put leaves in her panties next time." Nao grumbled, tapping idly on the guide book. "So come on Squirt, get over here and help me." She winked at Mai before shoving more chips into her mouth, and returning to their game.

Shizuru watched everything from afar, her eyes on Alyssa's homework even though she'd been listening in on everything she'd been hearing. She didn't mind the staying up late anymore, as long as Alyssa followed two very important rules. She couldn't be crabby the next day, and she had to have exemplary marks in school...or, when it came to the subject she struggled in, social studies, at least be passing...something that was a feat on many occasions. With math and spelling homework done, there wasn't anything else to do but look over the maps Alyssa had been forced to mark and color in. She shook her head, knowing her daughter was likely going to get more of the mundane work tomorrow.

Shooting and other noises came across the screen, and she disregarded it until something burst through the window, causing both Nao, and Alyssa to scream. "Oh my..." The large monster began to chase the character down the hall, and the entire time, Nao had her hands in a bare knuckle grip. "Please tell me that you won't get nightmares from this?" Shizuru couldn't believe her eyes, and partly wished she hadn't looked at the television.

"Oh him, his just a pixel...or at least that's what Papa says. Pixels can't hurt people, even when we dream about them." Alyssa said, though her eyes were still glued to the screen. "That's Nemesis. He's not hard to fight, I saw him before when Papa was playing. We got the card key off of some guy at the front of the station."

"You can tell her about that later." Nao cut in. "What's the code for the locker. I need to get the thing inside." They both scanned through the book.

"I think that's the random one isn't it?" Alyssa had begun to love the series known as Bio Hazard, and even though she hadn't quite grasped the entire concept, the idea of figuring out the puzzles, and watching Natsuki and Nao play was something she took a joy in, mostly because they included her fully, and allowed her to be apart of the group. It was like that whenever they played games..but horror types were their favorite. "Or is that the one we scribbled on the piece of paper?"

"Hell if I know." Nao muttered, grabbing the paper they kept for things like this, they couldn't count the times they'd jot down in game information. "Look at this and tell me if we put it on there someplace."

"Zero, five, one, three." Alyssa said. "I think that's what we need."

"Score." Nao chuckled darkly. "Now lets the the hell out of the station before the freak skewers us." Nao handed Alyssa the controller after she paused the game.

"He does what?" Shizuru looked up from Alyssa's homework again, looking at Nao with a glare in her eyes.

Nao ignored the question for a moment. "Take us to where that safe room was before we went into the station, and put everything in the box that we know we don't need. We don't want the run back to take up more game time." Alyssa nodded proceeding to do as she was told with vigor while Nao just shrugged at the fawn haired woman who was now looking displeased. "Anyway Shizuru, the dude that was on screen is the main bad guy of this game...he's not all that scary, he mostly just jumps out for a few thrills here and there. The squirt isn't afraid of him, and wasn't at all afraid of the last two games."

"That's because they aren't real." Alyssa interjected. "The one game that uses those little disks...those are scary though...I don't like those ones."

"Well, I can understand why. Those ones look real." Nao answered the unspoken question in Shizuru's eyes. "We don't play the remake, or the prequel around the Squirt...when she's around, we stick to these."

Shizuru just shook her head and sighed. She would never understand the allure of these games, or the fact that Alyssa was actually interested in them, but Shizuru knew this wasn't the first time she'd been around the series. Reito had played the first game often, and though he would never admit it, she knew him well enough to know, he was very lax about what Alyssa was exposed around. "Either way, Alyssa, ten more minuets and I want you laying down someplace, be it the sofa, or your bed, you shall be laying down, alright?"

"Yep." It was a soft little chirp, but it was contented and obedient, and that was all Shizuru cared about.

…  
(Natsuki POV)

Life is good...busy as hell...but good.

It's almost midnight, but that's the joy of taking night classes. Shizuru and I have our schedule worked out so that one of us is home for Alyssa at all times. It gets a bit nuts, and my classes are different dependent on the day. Mondays, sadly, are my longest days starting in late afternoon and carrying on until late night, then I also have an online course I take, but I normally do that up at quad, mostly so I can concentrate...something nearly impossible to do in my own home. Fridays are my shortest days, and that's a god send.

I don't like leaving Shizuru by herself though.

I know she can take care of herself, that's not the problem...I just like to worry, because I want to make sure she doesn't ever need anything, I want her to feel as safe as humanly possible. My house is normally so dark I can't see whenever I come home on a Monday night, but, as soon as I hit the door, I can already tell the television is on...and someone fell asleep. The fact that my games are strewn across the carpet lets me know Nao outstayed her welcome, and probably kept Alyssa up half the night.

The kid is on the floor, meaning she also fell asleep in Nao's lap.

Alyssa likes to do that...she stays up late with us, and then just sort of falls asleep wherever she just happens to be. Sometimes it's the sofa, other times she'll curl up in the recliner...either way, those two spots aren't ideal if she's actually trying to watch us...especially if it's Nao, who tends to make herself into as human door half the time. I grew up like that, so I really don't care if Alyssa grows up like that. Mai, Nao and I turned out fine after all...the floor isn't so bad, and among friends, it's warmer than any cold bed could ever be.

Although, now that her human pillow has buggered off for the night, and the movie Nao had turned on for noise is over with, Alyssa really should be carried upstairs and put into bed. You know, if this were a few months back, if I were still in high school, I'd probably just leave her there, but I've gotten pretty good at this whole parent thing...not as good as Shizuru, and Alyssa knows better than to ask me to cook anything that isn't microwavable, but I know my way around the basics. If I don't know what I'm doing, I look dumfounded in Shizuru's general direction, or failing that, I look at Mai, and normally I can figure my way around things somehow.

This life is starting to become second nature to me, I like that part the best.

It seems right, something my life has never exactly felt before. I mean, there were good times and bad mixed in before, but it was always like I was apart of some big plan. No matter what I did, I just didn't fit. Now, I just don't have the problem, it went away without my noticing, and that feeling hasn't ever come back. I'm thankful...happy, now that I don't have the weight on my shoulders, because believe it or not, that feeling of things just not being right...of being off somehow...I hated it, and there were days I felt like I just couldn't take it anymore.

So, the simple pleasure of having a life that just works...its really cool.

When you step back, and realize that you can't always control the world around you, you begin to accept the calm and peaceful reality that shit will eventually hit the fan. When it does, you can ride the ride, wait out the storm...or you can fall on your ass and give up...but either way, the storm will come and go. The pain and damage may not go away, and sometimes that's a sickening truth...but when you just nod your head, take a breath, even if all you breath in is smog, you can at least say you did better than you thought you would...

Because lets face it, when people get to those low points, we normally lose faith...so, to not have faith, and do better than you thought...at least it adds up.

Eventually, you can turn around, and see everything you've done, how much of a climb you made...and maybe you haven't reached the top of the summit...but, the fact you climbed at all counts for something...that's how my mom used to look at things. She made herself very proud of each tiny accomplishment, and generally, she took more pride in those, rather than in the awards she won. Her theory wasn't that you should aim for the top, or the highest goal, but that you should wake up every morning, and survive the day, and even if you took a step backwards, it's easier to regain one step, than it is to climb a mountain.

I still don't know if I want to go into the aeronautic program, but that's a question for another day. For now, I'm just content to hold Shizuru in my arms as she sleeps, knowing, in less than seven hours, we're going to be pounced on by an excited nine year old, as our home is invaded by the normal ruckus...and life, for yet another day, will go on just as it should.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: We're back with the second chapter. Shannon and I were tossing back and forth how we wanted this to go, and when we finally came up with the storyline we wanted, we wrote the first chapter knowing that one would come easily...these next ones? Yeah, not so much. Again, we kept with the ideal not to mince words and keep the story going at a sort of speedy pace. Still, there are going to be other character pairings in the following chapters, since we wanted to give the side characters a bit more development, and help explain Natsuki and Shizuru a little bit more.
> 
> With that we're introducing a third POV in this chapter, and in a few chapters from now, a final fourth POV. Natsuki and Shizuru will still be the main roles in this fan fiction, so rest assured on that. Anyway, I hope you are all enjoying the fiction thus far, and I hope you continue to do so. We wanted to thank you all for the support we received in the first chapter, and hope you will continue to follow us as we continue onward.

Frame of the Future, Part 2

Morning, noon, and night, days seemed to settle into a routine during the week...however, the weekend was blissfully unplanned, and never without some form of laziness. Natsuki was still dead to the world when Shizuru rolled out of bed and went downstairs, where she was thankful not to find any sleeping bodies. That was a rare occasion, but it was becoming more and more frequent as Takumi's health steadily improved, and Nao found herself cramming for tests she didn't normally study for. Shizuru frowned a bit, her nest empty for the weekend, seeing as Reito had taken Alyssa. Shizuru's time was left free, and with little else to do, she settled in for the morning news, checking the weather channel.

Shizuru frowned she she noticed Alyssa left her school bag at home, though it did mean she would have to be home by Sunday night.

She sighed at that. Alyssa had been something akin to a hot potato her entire life. Passed back and forth, whenever Alyssa, or Reito himself deemed it necessary. Alyssa hand a continual choice of where to stay, when she wanted to stay, and just how long she stayed. While Shizuru sometimes found that part of it hard, she had to admit, Alyssa could lead a very fulfilling life because of it. Still though, Shizuru had always wanted more than one child, and days like today, when the house became quiet, she wished she could hear the giggles of a small little child scampering through the home once more...or at least failing that, an infant that at least called to her attention. She missed the fleeting times, and being a mother who had to share such a time with Reito, she felt as if Alyssa was growing up faster than she would have liked.

Time seemed to slip from her fingers, and that irked her a tiny bit.

With little cleaning to do, and no one to scold for causing inadvertent ruckus, she was able to do for herself, and while it was a rarity, she took to the idea with less than expected enthusiasm. At the kitchen table, she began putting together a puzzle, all while waiting for Natsuki to awaken, something that wouldn't happen until early afternoon. Her mind wandered from the blue sky she was filling in, and drifted to the woman sleeping upstairs, knowing that tonight, they would actually have time for themselves. That too, was fleeting with their busy lives, and while Natsuki was content with cuddling and perhaps a bit of fooling around here and there, they could both agree that ever since the onset of Natsuki's new school routine, there was a lack of spice in the bedroom.

Not that there had been an overt amount of it before, but tonight would be an early retreat into a much sought after embrace...

Shizuru was sure of that, having noticed that Natsuki had put strawberries in the bottom drawer of the fridge, a sweet white Merlot in the door to chill, and platter of cold cuts and mild cheeses on the second shelf in the only place it would fit. There were also shrimp along side of cocktail sauce, and Shizuru was sure they'd be eating dinner by the roaring fireplace before soaking in a long bath...likely getting tangled in the sheets before the night was out...and, though it was entirely predictable, there was some excitement in that too.

The old adage that foreplay begins at breakfast came to mind, something her mother often chanted, and with that she set to work making a meal that they could easily share in bed, the idea ticking her fancy, that perhaps there was some merit to having Alyssa out of the house for the weekend. She no sooner turned on the stove that she heard a pounding knock at the door. With a frown, she clicked off the burner, thinking it was Mai, but much to her disbelief, she found she had been completely mistaken.

"Yukino?" Shizuru muttered, looking at the woman who appeared as if she hadn't had sleep in days, even through the window, she could see the devastation hidden behind thin rimmed glasses. "My word, are you alright?" She'd all but flung open the door leading the woman inside before she had even had a chance to speak. Yukino was such the type that she didn't often leave Haruka's side, but when she did, trouble wasn't far behind. Yukino was a shy, mousy woman, who Shizuru had known for several years, going all the way back into high school, and while Haruka matured as time went on in leaps and bounds, Yukino was the same as she had ever been.

She aged slowly, already having been the natural egghead of the group, a normally mild mannered and sweet girl at heart. It took Haruka a few years to mellow out, but Yukino was, and would forever be a wallflower. It was odd, but not unheard of, when they fought. Lover spats were a common thing, but this hadn't been one of those. "I'm fine, Shizuru. I'm just tired." It was gifted understatement, as always, but Shizuru had expected that much. "Haruka, I believe is having a midlife crisis."

Shizuru gaped at that, something she wasn't known for doing. "At thirty?" Haruka was the eldest of their group, Reito and Shizuru following closely behind. "Why on earth would she be having a problem about that?" Shizuru went about making a new fresh batch of tea as she pondered that very question. "She used to be the most lax out of all of us...at least, in part."

"Aging does that to a person, she's getting older, and she's noticed." Yukino shrugged, she'd been expecting it, but not this soon. "It used to be that Haruka didn't have anything at all to worry about, but she's obsessive to a fault, and we both know that no amount of medication will curb that. Little things have started to come to her attention, things you and I have noticed already."

"That's Haruka for you, she never was one for the finer details." Shizuru nodded at that. "I'll admit, she has been acting strangely." Shizuru recalled a phone call not a few days ago, that in and of itself seemed odd, though she shrugged it of quickly. "It could just be a phase. Haruka has a tendency to love going through phases."

"She does, but I doubt she'll get out of this one." Yukino accepted the offered tea, taking a long, slow sip of the heated liquid. It was a comfort that she dearly needed and then, she found herself at a loss. "This is not unlike Haruka, but, lets just say I've noticed her reverting a bit."

"Haruka declares nonsense half the time." Shizuru finally said pointedly. "This is likely one of those times. Just like in high school, when she couldn't see logic, even if it was sitting in front of her. Do you know Reito and I would often hold bets on if she would get up the courage to acknowledge you or not?"

"Oh, how right you are." Yukino knew that had indeed been the case. Haruka was infuriating about that type of thing. "Though, I doubt that she wants logic right about now." Yukino swirled the cup of tea and sighed. "We had an argument a few weeks ago, and things just haven't been the same." Then it was as if something came to mind, and a frown plastered across her face. "Please, don't take offense to this, but, why did you choose Natsuki?"

"I couldn't tell you offhand." Shizuru elaborated upon the only honest answer she had. "It wasn't as if I planned on it, everything occurred quite by accident, but it did happen, and that is the finality. I thought myself insane at first, but Natsuki captured me. It was odd, I just couldn't get my mind off of her. I know it looked questionable, and it will always be that way for some, but, I do love Natsuki, and she loves me. She's a consenting young woman, and what we do in our home every night, away from the outside world signifies that. We don't just share a romance, we share a life, and all that it entails." Though, in truth, they had shared their life before their bed. They had been careful, even reckless though they were, for their own good, as well as for the others around them.

"I think I've fallen out of love with Haruka, and I believe she feels the same about me." Yukino sighed then, it hurt to admit the truth. "Somewhere along the line, we went from best friends, to lovers, to being best friends again, and I just don't know how or when it happened."

"Still you can both agree that it did." Shizuru said softly. "There's nothing wrong in admitting that." She herself had to go through something similar with Reito, she knew how difficult it was. "It isn't as if the two of you went on the rebound, you can rebuild the relationship if you want. I think that's only something you can answer together, though, truth be told, I doubt you'd be here with me right now, not if you thought for a moment it could even be possible."

"It isn't possible, and I know that." Yukino could say that with absolute clarity. "I just find all of this to be so hard. How do you pick up a friendship after being lovers? How could one simply go back to that?"

"In time." Shizuru shrugged then. That was really the only answer. "There will always be that lingering sense of failure, that things didn't work out, but as time goes on, that feeling will eventually wane out. Sooner or later, you can just go back to being whatever you need to be." It was her deep trust in her friendship that allowed her to say something at the tip of her tongue, but she knew, even as she said it, Reito would have likely said something similar. "I didn't want to be with anyone seriously for a long while, but Reito put himself back out there almost instantly. He needed a relationship, and I was a bit torn up over that, but, then I realized, that's just Reito's way. He's a compassionate man, who needs to be needed...I'm happy he found Tate, but there was a long stretch of time I was jealous about it."

"How did you get over that?" Yukino said then. "Especially since everyone though the two of you were the perfect couple."

"That's exactly how." Shizuru said then, a little smile on her face. "It wasn't perfect, it wasn't what we wanted, and, when I realized that, it was easier to let go. In my mind, I just kept telling myself that I wanted to find love. I promised myself I'd look in the right places." In fact, though she would never say it out loud, after meeting Natsuki, she couldn't imagine of being jealous ever again. "I never though I would end up seeing that love in Natsuki, but I did, and if you continue to support Haruka, she'll continue to support you. It would be pointless to cast aside your friendship now, wouldn't you agree?"

"I suppose you could be right." Yukino nodded then, still sounding unsure of herself. "I honestly hope that you are."

…  
(Natsuki POV)

Shizuru has odd friends, and when I woke up this afternoon, Yukino was sitting at the kitchen table. I've seen her in passing a few times here and there, but she looked terrible today. It was like she had gotten hungover without the party. Yukino's always so well dressed, and it kinda drives me nuts. She's uptight all the time, and it just seems like she's always carrying a weight on her shoulders. She was just on her way out when I'd come down into the kitchen, but something in the way the scent of tea lingered in the room, told me they'd been talking for several hours. The odor wasn't only fresh, it was strong, as if Shizuru had steeped multiple pots. Now, I know Shizuru likes her tea...but not even she can drink that much by herself.

When I inquired about it, she gave me the cliff-notes; Yukino and Haruka were having relationship woes.

I left it at that when she drew closer to me, her soft lips pressing to my own, asking me to surrender to her. It tells me everything I need to know. The kiss one of dire want, and lingering need...life has gotten so hectic that today, we need this...

I was a bit, well, annoyed by the idea at first. Shizuru has a tendency to read those self help magazines all the time, and she'll tell me about an idea she likes here and there...and I've got to admit, at first I wasn't exactly fond of the planning for sex thing. It just, it seemed like it was going to be stupid. She tore down my defenses about it though, and I eventually warmed up to the idea.

It's not like we plan for it all the time, but when life gets to be way over the top, like it has been recently, sometimes a quickie just isn't an option.

Sometimes we both need the escape, and the affirmation that the attraction is still there. Part of why it's so important is because I'm in classes that have an odd schedule, so there are nights we miss out on cuddling and talking, two things we do either late at night or early in the morning. The other part is, Shizuru's libido is a lot higher than mine, and even if she is okay with handling that aspect on her own, I don't want her to.

I want to be the one who satisfies her needs when I can, and I want to be there for her in every way I can. That isn't as easy as it sounds, believe it or not, Shizuru is a very demanding woman in that regard, even if she won't admit it.

There are times when Shizuru is overwhelming, times like now. I can't help but melt into her embrace and give myself fully to her advances, and not because I don't want to take charge, but rather, that she won't let me, her need to be in control something that's still startling, and rare. If I've let her desire alone for a long stretch of time, and leave her pondering, she becomes insecure, and within that, she gets some odd type of dominate streak. It normally eases into something more gentle and passive after a frolic or two, but the fact that side of her surfaces at all, is normally a sign that I've been neglecting my duties...and I'll end up being sore the next day.

I've often pondered if Shizuru is really just that insatiable, or if I'm just completely inexperienced in how to please a woman...likely, some measure of both, I'll assume.

Still, today is a day for sweet nothings that I'll whisper in her ear, as we share in the loving company of each other. Honestly, it couldn't have come soon enough, because I need this just as much as she does.

…

The scent of passion lingered in the air as the fireplace glowed with the last few burning embers. There were no more logs left to burn, and the rich smell of spicy flame mingled tantalizingly well with that of a woman's arousal. The taste of wine only all the more alluring after parched lips released a shuttering sigh. Two women lay tangled together upon the floor, Natsuki's legs still wrapped tightly around the hips of the woman above her, trying desperately to pull air into her lungs.

Sweat clung to the both of them, as a small hum was finally turned off by Shizuru's quaking hand. Natsuki's jolt in mild sensitivity a testimony to just how powerful their shared orgasm had been. It had been slowly building all day. From the steamy movies that made Natsuki's cheeks color red, to the warm bath and massage oils that had calmed Shizuru into submission, the day had been long, and slow...building and shattering the walls of desire expertly, and maddeningly, each downward spiral stronger than the last. At first it was routine and practiced, something both of them favored. As the night went onward, new exploration gave way to the freedom Shizuru was naturally adept at, and Natsuki's curiosity begged for her to try.

Truly that of a puppy, if shown the right tasty tidbit.

If one were to gaze at the VCR, the green lighting would likely say that it was well past nightfall, though the two women were oblivious to the fact, as they breathlessly calmed themselves. The toy between them slid out, glistening by the firelight. It was still a relatively new purchase, and Shizuru had yet to try it on Natsuki until tonight. The older woman wasn't entirely fond of it, the feeling though intensely wonderful, reminded her so much of Reito, and she herself was of the oral persuasion. Shizuru licked her lips at that, partaking another strawberry from the dish only a short distance away. There was something about the flavor of Natsuki and strawberries that she just loved, though, she couldn't quite place her finger on it.

With a soft breaths of air falling over her neck, and the freshly created marks on her back, Shizuru knew that would be the closest Natsuki would ever get to understanding what it would be like with a man. Her womanhood both tender and knowingly sore, something Shizuru recalled well. For the occasional romp, it had been thoroughly enjoyed. She also had to admit, that Natsuki was unbearably sexy once she fell into rhythm, and that help a lot, a girlish side peaking out from the brash exterior during times like this.

Once again, they became lost in lazy kisses, and soft caresses as they shared in the warmth that circled around them. Their embrace one of recovery and slow sensuous admissions of the soul. Hardly there confessions and unspoken admissions made them both breath in sighs of newly lit need, tired though they were. "I don't suppose you'd be interested in another round, now would you?" Shizuru's soft murmur was enough to make anyone's blood boil, the low drawl heated and impassioned by the mere idea of getting lost in the erotic feelings once again. "With as slick as you are, it would feel even better this time around." Her fingers paid truth to this as they trailed down, one of them toying with a perky little bundle of sensitivity.

Natsuki shuttered at that, the feeling of Shizuru's thigh against her already slick womanhood made her flinch in agonizing arousal..the lingering feeling of their earlier endeavors leaving a mark of truth upon the terrycloth bathrobe. At first it had been painful, due to how tight she was, unused to the size of anything larger than a few fingers, but soon, the new intrusion had become blissfully pleasurable. "It felt good, but..." Natsuki sighed as she buried her face into the crook of Shizuru's neck, the memory of what had just gone on something both completely alarming, and entirely intoxicating. "I can't feel you like that, and I like feeling you better."

Natsuki's cheeks flared at the admission, and that made Shizuru chuckle softly as she dipped her finger lower to tease Natsuki's folds. "Is that so?" Shizuru said then as she pulled away just the slightest bit to look Natsuki in the eyes. "Why is that, if you don't mind my asking?"

Natsuki hissed and took hold of Shizuru's hand that tormented her, kissing the back of it as she entwined their fingers. "A lot of what you like is still really new to me." Her voice remained quiet and her tone hesitant. "A lot of it makes me unsure, but if it's just you, and your touch, then, it's okay...I like the other stuff too, don't get me wrong...but I like it best when its just you and me, nothing between us."

"I like that best too." Shizuru's purr was melodic, lust at the hints of her whisper, but love consuming her eyes. Melting into another kiss seemed an answer gifted in the shadows of arousal. They could forget the world around them, as if their passion was a drug, and they intended on doing so. Their bodies bare, soft and gentle, as Natsuki's slightly calloused fingers drew maps along heated gooseflesh, and into silky strands of fawn that cascaded down a bare back. A few stray tendrils dipped into the pool of midnight, and Natsuki sighed into the kiss as Shizuru's fingers reclaimed their territory on the girl below once more.

…  
(Shizuru POV)

I could get lost like that forever, and I wouldn't mind. Natsuki's eyes say more than she could ever really know. It was the first thing I took notice of when I laid eyes on her. The day we met something that shines deeply in the fondness of my memories. The tears that lined her face from pain refused to fall, even then, she was a defiant girl. She fought with all of her might to protect those important to her, but also, to reach out to strangers. She is different in every way, and I've never encountered anyone quite like her, and I doubt I ever will again. She may be young, but I see forever there, where her eyes shimmer with all of the truth in the world, denying every lie, refusing any pain. She is stunning, such a girl as her.

Truly a young woman.

I wonder, what does she see in my eyes, during times such as this? Passion and love, surely...but what else? Her eyes tell a story, but, what do mine tell? Sometimes, I'm not even sure they say anything. Without meaning to do it, I've become a person nearly unreadable. Even in my fury, or my sadness, I've learned to be quiet about it. There are times, I'm sure, that she can see beyond the mask. The way she puts her arms around me something protective, but also, remorseful. She has this way about her, as if trying to take away all of the pain in the world. Perhaps, she would carry all of the burdens herself, if she could. No one would even have to ask, because if such a power were possible, she'd take it away before you even knew what pain was.

The concept lost within the wind for everyone around her.

That's just the way Natsuki is. A bit brazen, always a little angry, and never without a retort hidden in her back pocket. That sits along side of her blush, something she keeps mostly for me. Not one made of embarrassment, but of admission. The one she gets when we're talking quietly, tangled within each other. When she knows I won't tease her, that blush is likely the best kind...because it comes from only the pit of her feelings. It isn't provoked, it isn't questioned...and even if she hides her face, I can still feel the warmth on my skin, so she always tells me somehow, even if she won't let me see it.

There are times, after she falls asleep that I'm left awake. I listen to the ticking of the clock, and the house settling. The lonely noises of silence that Natsuki used to hear every day. It isn't so lonely anymore. Even her breath, calm and shallow, gives a shouting voice that was never here before. I'm sure mine does the same. Calling, screaming comfort from the recesses of unseen ghosts, the past a lingering haunt for Natsuki. One she takes in stride with a cool, gentle smile, even when she sometimes wants to cry.

I don't expect anything less, from someone like her.

A monotone, like the whispers of insanity, a drone like the low keys on a piano. The gray an area unknown, and misunderstood. Feared and misguided, just like the love I feel for her. How it even ended up like this, I'll never understand, and Yukino, though she asked the right question, failed to see that there is no right answer. I think about how things might have been, if I didn't let myself feel Natsuki's warmth.

When I think about that I realize, I would have been alright without her. She would have been just fine without me. We could have gone our entire lives without that chance meeting. Our little white lies surrounded us, our friends and family were our shield...but the truth is, now we know better.

We don't want to just be alright...as if there would be little hope for more happiness.

No...we want to run screaming barefoot into the fields, to throw snow on a cold winter day, leaves in the fall...and water in the summer. The colors of the world, the life in the earth something we wish to take upon, like a breeze. There are many unhappy things in this world that mingle into something not fully remembered, and yet, not fully forgotten. In Natsuki's eyes, you can see the shape of it, all the more reason to look into her.

Her eyes not darkened hues of pain, but not orbs of light either. They hang in the balance, like a fragile human would.

Yet isn't that what we are? Fragile souls...who just happened to get lucky enough to find each other? She doesn't complete me, or make me whole. I doubt I do anything of the sort for her either. Even in emptiness, we would still be strong. Still, there's need in her eyes, every time she looks at me. It isn't just lust either. She needs me, because she wants to need me. I need her for the same reasons...our love isn't filled with total happiness or sadness...we just linger, like fragile souls tend to do, once they've found shelter.

Life will rain, and the sun will shine...and in the end it doesn't matter, but I think that's why she loves me, as I do her.

…

"Honestly, I think it would be best to just leave her well enough alone." Shizuru sighed at the kitchen table, shaking her head at Reito's antics. "She's not like you, she doesn't bounce back nearly as easily."

"She may never bounce back at this rate." Reito grumbled then softly, an annoyed tone at the hints of his voice. "They've been done for years, and in denial about it. Now, Haruka's off gallivanting around with some other woman, and you sit around and proceed to tell me that you want me to leave matters well enough alone?" He crossed his arms. "This is Yukino we're talking about. She's been madly in love with Haruka ever since I can remember."

"Reito...it's alright." Shizuru said then, putting her hand on his, mostly to keep him from making himself even angrier. His usually calm exterior was lost at the moment. "Yukino will find her way, she's perfectly capable of figuring things out for herself."

"Been there, done that, Shizuru." Reito was still quick with his tongue regardless of the look in her eyes. "You were the same way, and you've no idea how nuts it drove me!"

"Well this is a treat." Natsuki muttered entering the kitchen, having just come back from dropping Alyssa off at school. "I haven't seen the two of you ever fight."

"We're not fighting." Both of the combatants said in unison, causing Natsuki to chuckle.

"Yes, hence why I could hear him shouting from across the house." Natsuki replied lamely. "What the hell's the problem? You guys are like, freakishly buddy-buddy...you two never fight, so whats going on?"

"You've just never seen us fight, Natsuki, there's a difference." Shizuru sighed then, though the fact that Natsuki was searching for an answer made her remember just why the fighting was going on. "Reito is concerned about Yukino, and I think he should just leave matters well enough alone."

"I'm telling you Shizuru, it's not healthy." Reito retorted back quickly. "The poor woman isn't going to come back out of her shell for who knows how long."

"Hey, meat bag!" Nao groused at Reito. "What's your problem dude? You've got yourself a nice boy toy, so just leave it at that."

"Nao, don't feed the fire." Natsuki sighed, though she had to agree. "Listen, guys, here's a newsflash; people don't fall in love with their best friends and expect it to last. Just leave them be, give them time, because really, you can't do anything anyway."

"Well, that's an incredibly cynical way to look at it." Reito sighed then. "Natsuki, you have to understand-"

"What's there to understand?" Natsuki fired her temper at Reito. "The damn woman's afraid of her own shadow, leave her be!"

"I'm surrounded in a room of women who don't know how to rely on others." He stood from the table and looked at Natsuki. "Shizuru would still be a very lonely and bitter woman had you not come along." He sighed, looking at Shizuru next. "If you want to sit there and watch Yukino suffer though everything you did and more, that's fine. Go on ahead...but I won't do that. You can't admit how depressed you were until Natsuki came around, and that's fine...for you. It won't be fine for Yukino."

As Reito stormed out of the room, Shizuru rolled her eyes, running her fingers though her hair. She knew Reito had been entirely correct, and she wanted to help. There was just nothing she could do. "You'll have to pardon Reito." Shizuru said then with a gentle smile. "He can get a bit emotional when other people are involved, and for what it's worth, his heart is in the right place."

"Yeah, and his head is so far up his ass, he can see daylight whenever he opens his mouth." Nao said then, her usual vulgarity coming to light. "I don't know what you see in him...hell, I can't even guess why someone like you would sleep with him in the first place."

"Nao, lay off." Natsuki all but hit Nao in the head with the can of soda she'd chucked at the fiery redhead. "For what it's worth, he's a good father...and he's not that bad of a guy...a pain in the ass, yeah. Still, no worse than you."

"I guess." Nao shrugged flicking the top of the can that she'd caught in one hand. "I still think he's an idiot though." She popped the top and took a sip. "We take better care of Alyssa than he does." Nao had a limited view of the man, having met Reito in passing only a few times. "So, need me to watch the squirt tonight, or are you staying in?"

"No, we do intend to go out, so we still need you to watch Alyssa." Shizuru said offhandedly, knowing the best way to deal with Nao was to brush her off. "Although if I come home to the house a mess like last time, I won't be pleased. Just let that be known."

"Have Mai babysit of you don't like it." Nao scoffed. "I don't get paid for this you know."

"That you don't." Shizuru could concede the point. "We're going out to visit Yukino and keep her company, so we will be gone until a late hour, though I don't assume you'll be bothered by it."

"I got it covered...just leave money for a pizza, we'll call it even." Nao said holding out her hand, happily smirking when Natsuki forked over a few crisp bills from her wallet.

…  
(Nao POV)

It seems like it's always me.

Mai likes to babysit, but she's been busy recently staying home with Takumi more and more. She's trying to help him with his school work, I think. It honestly doesn't matter, he's smart, so Mai really should stop worrying about him. She has her own classes to pass, though, she's better off. I'm skirting by with crap for grades. Natsuki needs to help me, I just can't concentrate on my own. Anyway, I'm sure they'd ask Mai, but once again, she's bogged down, and we all know it.

I pay my way as a freeloader by watching Alyssa anyway, so more power to me.

The kid's an easy kid to watch, and I don't mind babysitting. At one time, it used to bug the hell outta me, but then I realized, Alyssa isn't exactly as obedient as she wants mommy to think. She's not bad, she doesn't do wrong things...but, she's kinda shy, and doesn't get out much. When she's with me, that all changes, and she'll climb up on the roof, or spar around in the grass, play fighting though it is. I think Alyssa is the type of person that really won't care about the world around her. That's both good and bad...mostly good because she won't take to heart what others say...but...that can be bad too. Alyssa needs to be more than just a happy go lucky little girl, or one day real life will bite her in the ass...

Hard.

Now, I'm not normally one for kids, but Alyssa grew on me...mostly because of her past. I don't really like talking about mine much, but, with Alyssa I kinda feel like when she's older, she'll be one of the people privileged enough to know. I don't trust everyone with it, but Alyssa, she almost suffered a fate that could have been similar. In that alone, she's earned enough respect from me. Natsuki and I go back...way back, actually...and we used to hate each other. I don't really consider how we became friends to be a good thing, in fact, I'd call it twisted...doesn't really matter though, does it?

'Like hell!' Now, that would be the correct answer.

Either way, Natsuki stumbled upon Shizuru and Alyssa out of pure luck, but, I wouldn't say that was a bad thing. In fact, Natsuki did exactly what she promised...although, I don't recall telling her to bring home the people she happens to save. I guess, no matter how you look at it, I was born to do the things that I do, and Natsuki's the same. We go down town a lot, and we don't tell Mai or Shizuru why. The truth is, it's for us to know, and Shizuru to never find out. Mai has an idea, I think, but she's being smart enough to keep her big mouth shut...a first for her really.

Vendettas are the name of the game, and my wrath comes best served with the poor bastard beaten into a pulp.

Shizuru just got lucky with Natsuki finding them...Natsuki's not as violent as I am, probably a good thing. Usually we tag team, but I wasn't with Natsuki that afternoon, and I don't think she was actually hunting down bad guys. More so, I think she just so happened to be in the right place, at the right time. Either way, Natsuki kept her promise, and that's what counts.

So, now that Natsuki's got herself tangled into a package deal, she can't go out snooping around as much. That really used to piss me off, but then I got to know Alyssa. She's a blond haired, blue eyed little girl. She just wants to be understood. Even I've stopped going down town as much, but that's because I'm stuck playing sitter a lot. I don't mind though, because...well...call this stupid all you want, but I like the little shit. I figured my mom would like it, if I invested my time in something other than beating the crap out of people.

She liked charity work...and I consider Alyssa a charity deal.

Someone's gonna have to protect her...show her the dark parts of life before she walks face first into it on her own...we all know that's a bad idea. Yeah, call me a bad influence all you want...but the kid needs someone who's not going to baby her...someone she can just hang around with, and let's face it, Mai's a bit motherly for that. Natsuki can't do it because she's supposed to be a good parent, and Shizuru's pretty uptight...I'm the only one left...well, the only girl anyway.

So I figure, hey, I may not be snooping around tonight, beating the snot out of thugs, but instead I get to do something a little bit better...yeah, okay, I know what you're thinking. Teaching a nine year old how to shoot zombies may not be a favor to the world right now...but you just wait and see...a couple years down the line, when she grows up, she'll have a good head on her shoulders...and yeah, a lot of that will come from her parents, but I'll bet you anything, part of that will come from me...

When I show her someone as screwed up as I am can make something of themselves.

Kinda cool when you think about it...but you gotta start someplace, so after she and I finish our homework, it's pizza and zombie time...oh, and lets not forget eating all the junk food, jumping on the bed, and using the hallway floor as a slip and slide in our socks...as long as we don't break anything. Though, sod's law likes to bite my ass all the time anyway, so this time, lets just hope whatever we destroy isn't important.

Yeah, tonight will be good...and hell, I call it an easy break...the Squirt's alright in her own ways.


	3. Chapter 3

Frame of the Future, Part 3

The morning was like any other in the household before school started. Mai was in the kitchen, helping Shizuru with breakfast, yammering on about her classes, shopping, and other girlish things. Always a chatter box, and always at the worst time. Alyssa, still in her pajamas watched early morning television that flickered across the screen, something mindless, surely, but entertaining either way. Natsuki was sleeping at the kitchen table, the morning a curse to be damned in her book, and Nao, forever the delinquent continued laying around about different areas of the house. On some days it would be the tree out back, others it would be on the table across from Natsuki, but some days...days she wanted to be alone, she settled upon the roof.

The only hint to her existence was one foot that hung over the edge, coming into view if one looked out of the screen door.

It wasn't often that Natsuki dragged herself to join her companion outside, but, she could stand to listen to the tripe about sappy books anymore. It was something Natsuki hadn't any interest in, and she wished dearly to get away before it caused her brain to rot. The ladder invited her, and the sunlight peeking over the world summoned a soft truth. Nao stared blankly at the sky above, the starts not fully faded, the sun not fully happy...dark clouds looking as if rain were approaching.

Such a conflict inspired her, because it was how she often felt, though she would never say anything about it. Today, an irony of sorts, that the sky would feel the same as her. Nao didn't really want company, but sighed quietly anyway, knowing Natsuki could see her distress. There would be no escaping those emerald eyes that could seemingly see through any well made barrier.

"What are you doing pup?" Nao grumbled, a lonely tone in her voice something riddled with grief. "Go on, go back down to your master."

Natsuki paused at that. It was unlike Nao, very much so, to lack her usual vigor. "What the hell are you doing up here?" Her gentle worry hid well behind her stern voice.

"Laying around, smoking cigarettes, and freezing my ass off." Nao's answer went without venom, her honesty both startling and broken. "I have nothing better to do anyway, might as well enjoy myself."

"I know you have homework the way you skip class." Natsuki shot back as she sat down. "But, I'll bet you don't care about that."

"I haven't a damn to give about anything anymore." As birds flew overhead, and the sounds of cars on the streets passed them by, Nao let herself zone out into near nothingness. The music in her ear blaring loudly didn't offer the comfort she hoped it would, and her mind returned to the bad place it had been, before Natsuki unduly interrupted her. The slip of paper at her side gifted all of the answers, and all of the dread.

Natsuki picked it up, and eyed the lettering for a moment. "Nao..." She couldn't say anything to what she'd seen...everything would sound empty. The letter spoke of many truths, but it was the formality of the address that shocked Natsuki the most.

"He's a deadbeat anyway." Nao's words lacked even hate. She felt numb, completely, utterly numb. "He was never around...so it's not like I could care about him."

"He was still your dad." Natsuki said softly, running her fingers through Nao's hair, ignoring the glare she got in return for doing so.

"No...dads don't walk out on their wife and kid." Nao said then, purely fact and nothing more. "They don't build a new family while their old one suffers."

"My dad sure did." Natsuki said then, quietly sighing at that. "No one really stays together anymore like they used to, that's what mom always said..but you can't hate him even if you want to do that more than anything. He was still your dad, even if he was never around."

"It's not like it matters, he's gone now anyway...only thing is, this time, he can't come back." Nao couldn't feel sadness, and at that she knew she should be guilty, but even that refused to come. "You don't have to worry about me." There was something soothing about Natsuki when things like this happened, something protective within her, and though Nao had always known it was there, very rarely had Natsuki become that way with her. "I'll be fine."

"No shit." Natsuki replied. "I know you will." Looking down at Nao, the depth of the situation shined like something profound in emerald eyes. "You'll have to be okay...there's just no other way to live." Natsuki let herself fall backwards on the roof, looking up at the same sky. "Do you remember when we first met?"

"Yeah, I kicked your ass in school." Nao muttered.

"Not that...idiot." Natsuki sighed at that. "The first time we actually met...you know, talked...and not just shot punches back and forth."

"You and I were both stuck in the same waiting room." Nao said then, a frown falling upon her lips. "I hadn't seen you around the school for nearly a year, and you had just started going back to school that week. I remember, because I was stuck with you for nearly two hours, and I just didn't feel like beating the crap out of you...so we made fun of our new teacher instead...it was the first time I laughed in a long time."

"We were all brought together by horrible things...our moms and Mai's brother...all of us suffered because of that stuff...but we all got to be friends because of it too." The reminder was something they all needed from time to time. Natsuki knew though, that at the end of all the hardship there was a light that had to be protected. "But Nao...you and I, we shouldered a lot of the pain on our own, and we tried to protect people from it...I always thought I would push you and Mai away, so I didn't ever say the things I should have...so that's why I can't be quiet about it now."

"Oh dear god...don't go getting all sappy with me." Nao griped backing away from Natsuki just a little bit. "That would just be gross...hit me if you want, but none of that life lesson crap."

"Nao, listen..." Natsuki's words were pleading, and that made the redhead sigh. "You've been through a lot...but you need to stop blaming yourself for everything. You've carried the weight long enough, and you really need to just forgive the fact that you weren't there...because even if you had been, you were a little kid, you couldn't have protected her." Natsuki knew Nao always carried a knife in her back pocket...just like she usually carried her gun, or at least a base ball bat. "You can stop fighting Nao...it'll be okay if you do."

"I can't!" Nao shouted, grabbing Natsuki's shirt collar. "I can't because if I do, people will forget! I couldn't save mom, but I know damn well I can save others!" Mai was the first one who had responded to the shouting rushing up the ladder, Shizuru close behind. "I know I can...because if she never wakes up, then I've got to do something. I can't just sit idly by." It was a solid protection that embraced her, Mai's hug a reminder that they weren't alone, and Natsuki sighed when Nao's feverish forehead hit her shoulder, the vexed waves slipping from her lips in shattered breaths.

Shizuru had never seen something like this, something so raw from any of them, and she felt as if she could only stand there. Nao's weak fist hitting Natsuki's chest as if it were merely a feather, and Natsuki just shook her head, looking at Shizuru with a sigh, handing her the paper, informing Nao of her father's passing. Mai didn't need to glance at a word, she knew what one of those hospital letters looked like when she saw them. She took hold of Nao completely, pulling her off of Natsuki and into an embrace letting her own tears fall from her eyes. Natsuki merely continued to sit there, unmoving, and unwavering, as she glared fire into the paper, her fist clenching the fabric of Nao's jacket refusing to let go of her, or of Mai.

…  
(Shizuru POV)

Fury, sadness, and comfort...unwavering between all of them.

I could see it within Natsuki's eyes. A devoted fire, one that I'd never really understood, even though it had come alight in her eyes before. You know, you can see friendship within all of them on any given day, but, to really understand them, well...lets just say, you never will. Trust me, I've tried, and I know that apart of Natsuki will stay locked away forever, the only time I'll ever see that side of her, is when she's with them. Both of them, the three of them a key onto the past, a wall so well built, that I could never breech past the simplicity of their complexity.

All of them so different, and yet, so much the same.

I felt as if all I could do was watch in horror, it never occurred to me to try and help Nao through her pain, but, I believe that was because I was unwelcome. They are very solitary creatures, Nao especially. Natsuki's eyes were tinted in rage, a hate so deep that I feared no amount of soothing her would have quelled the angry gaze. Like a bear protecting defenseless cubs. Mai, mother hen as always, began to pick up the pieces where they fell, and I realized it wasn't just Nao's she had been cradling amidst the warring feelings...I couldn't have done anything for her, or any of them, simply because this was their territory, and it was one I'd never understand. It was their battle, and all I could do was watch.

It wasn't longer then a handful of hours before the scars looked as if they'd healed over outwardly, but I know the truth is, Nao's a long way from healing, and to put her back together, Natsuki and Mai both had to reopen their closed wounds...falling together, to rebuild together...it is a dynamic many would likely think ill of, I know, in a different time and place, I would have been one of those people. I also know the other half of that truth...that they've made it work before...and they're determined to make it work again.

Natsuki called Alyssa in sick that day, insisting that even she was to stay home, a family one of strength, of unity, or the world could be damned, and I didn't have the heart to deny the request. They played games all afternoon, and I watched on as popcorn was thrown all over the place, and my once clean living room became a tornado. Every now and then, Natsuki would look at me with a soft gaze, and then she would look back at Nao and sigh...I didn't understand what it meant, but I know whatever it was, it meant the world to Natsuki.

The day continued on, as happiness washed away the sadness, but it wasn't really gone, nor forgotten. Every so often Nao would give me an odd look, and then pat my daughter on the head, Natsuki's eagle eyed gaze approving and proud, a defiance that dared anyone to question such a gesture. Mai eventually brought Takumi over after he came home from school, and somehow, without even being told, he fell into an odd pattern as well with Alyssa...his gaze expectant, and I realized that they were waiting for me...but why? I was unsure.

When I finally asked Natsuki, the answers I received were not unexpected, but, not entirely comforting...I guess, I wanted to remain blissfully unaware of their struggles, and I felt a bit guilty for not doing the math before.

…

"Natsuki, you know you can tell me anything." That night gifted peaceful serenity, that sadly had to be broken by Natsuki's uneasiness. "Tell me what's bothering you."

"It isn't mine to tell." Though she wished it was. "Nao's secretive, and always will be." Natsuki knew she couldn't say much.

"A hint then." Shizuru tried again.

Natsuki nodded with a frown. "The alleyway." Natsuki's words were a doleful monotone. "The reason we go down town...it's because of the back ally...and the things I can't say about Nao."

"So then, I wasn't the first person you came across." Shizuru said then in a sigh. Nao's shouting finally made sense...her meeting Natsuki not just a simple fluke, but rather, a battle that had been going on for years within their hearts. "You really had done that before."

"And you were not the last either." Natsuki replied then. "I promised Nao...I'd always fight with her. That I would help put a stop to all of that crap that goes on out in the streets. I told you once, that I would have done it no matter who it was...that part wasn't a lie. I made a promise to her...so even though she wasn't with me the day that I ran into you...it wasn't a lie, it couldn't be...I couldn't turn my back like that."

"I know it wasn't a lie." Shizuru said then, pulling Natsuki close to her. "You did it because you wanted to, I knew that way back then."

"So, until Nao's ready to stop, I'll keep fighting with her." Natsuki sighed as she melted into Shizuru's embrace. "She's like a sister to me, and even when she's a pain in the ass...I can't blame her."

"Natsuki, it's alright." Guilt swirled deeply within emerald eyes, and it was all Shizuru could do not to get lost in such sorrow. "Things will get easier."

"I know that." Her words were barely there as she pulled away then to look outside of her window. Nao was still on the lower roof of the house, where she'd been when the sun began to set on their dreary day. "They always do, but time won't make hers go away. She needs someone in her life to make the pain stop, to help show her how...like you did for me...until that happens, Nao's going to suffer."

"For now, that is all she can do...but you know it won't last forever." Shizuru's voice carried over the sounds of her robe coming undone, her nightgown long and silky. "Come to bed Natsuki...tomorrow is a new day."

"A new day for what?" Natsuki asked then, her eyes on her text books. "Flunking my test?"

"You didn't study, did you?" Though it had slipped from her lips, Shizuru already knew the answer. "That's a first."

"Well, I'm used to doing things when I feel like it." Natsuki shrugged. "Now that I actually go into class, I don't have the luxury of having extra free time, so I just don't have the motivation to study like I did before." The bed was soft and inviting, and Shizuru was more than enough warmth, her embrace desperately sought after a day like today.

Natsuki easily drifted to sleep, the entire household did, including Nao, who slept on the roof all night. Early to bed had them early to rise, so early in fact, it was still late in the night when Natsuki awoke. She tossed and turned, the little green lights on her clock telling her she should be asleep. Four in the morning was ungodly early, though, no matter what she did, or how hard she tried, she knew she would grow even more restless, and didn't want to wake Shizuru. She instead, quietly crept down stairs, where Mai, and her little brother were snoring away, Alyssa curled up next to the innocent young boy.

Natsuki chuckled at that.

Alyssa adored Mai's company, but she became like glue to Takumi whenever the soft spoken boy came around. Shizuru had been guarded about that at first, but as time went on, she learned it was best to just ignore Alyssa's little crush, knowing nothing would come of it. Takumi was nice enough to tolerate Alyssa's cuddliness, though taxing it could sometimes be, and Natsuki knew Alyssa would grow out of it soon enough. The child grew more and more independent as days went on, Alyssa would begin to ignore Takumi soon enough...that, or at least stop hanging on him so much, Natsuki couldn't be sure which. Either way, she left the sleeping occupants alone, and retreated into the garage, that also harbored a workbench.

She had a hobby of collecting models of various vintage cars, trucks, and bikes. Often she spent her early morning time assembling them, and when the occasion called for it, paining them as well. It was a quiet hobby, and it required a particular level of concentration, something she needed. Through a large looking glass that magnified the things underneath it, she continued her latest project, which, was not at all anything to do with her usual expertise. No, this was a rather long birthday present in the making, a gift for Alyssa...a ship in a bottle.

Natsuki sighed as she continued the increasingly tedious work. She was having trouble with it, more than she should have. She hoped this would inspire Alyssa to start a collection of something for herself, and there had been many lingering days when Natsuki had been working on her little cars, days when Alyssa would hover around her, interested in the pretty little details. If Natsuki's hunch was right, as she hoped it would be, then this would be the perfect gift, and starting on it early would give her plenty of time to work on the tiny little nooks and crannies that dictated what a ship should look like. She hadn't yet decided on which bottle to use, both of them rather large, but one was clear, and the other was tinted in blue. They were both the same size, so it didn't rightly matter. For now, she contented herself with the peaceful joys of each small little paint stroke needed to stain the wood a golden brown color.

There was little room for distraction during times like this, and with that hours trickled by...the sun rising by the time Nao came in shivering from having slept on the roof. "You still working on that thing?" Nao's voice was soft enough not to disturb Natsuki, but the woman of midnight tresses paused anyway to glare at her company.

"Yes...I will be for at least a few more months." Natsuki said then, her voice barely there, her eyes squinting as she carefully continued to paint the strokes. Some would argue to use a larger brush, but she knew well that wasn't good if she wanted to maintain a crisp detail. "This is the first hand crafted thing I'm going to give to Alyssa, so I want it to be something she'll remember." She licked her lips as she dipped the brush into more paint, hearing Nao sigh at the redundant actions that seemed to continue. "She was quite taken with the wolf carving that was in the living room, so I let her keep it. I figured, she may want to start a collection of her own."

"Of what, random shit you've built?" Nao chided then, though she knew that Natsuki was actually really good with her hands, and fond of her little hobbies.

"Fuck you, too." Natsuki's voice was still soft, her breath calm, as if to be any sort of colorful bluster could interrupt the serenity she worked hard to maintain. "Alyssa needs something to keep her busy. If you haven't noticed, she really doesn't have many friends, I worry about her..."

"The kid will be fine." Nao said then, a gentleness she wasn't knowing by many to possess seemed to come easily when the topic was about the little blond girl. "You know we have her back if anything goes wrong, she's kinda like us anyway. She doesn't need friends."

"You say that all you want. It doesn't make it true." Natsuki finally sat back, regarding the treasure in her hands. "Alyssa can make due without friends, but making due, and being happy are very different things. Far be it from me to shove her with other people though." Truth came out in short puffs, as Natsuki neatly set the hull of the ship down to dry, knowing that she would have to put at least one more coat of stain on it. "Anyway, if she isn't going to have others her own age to play with, she's going to need some other ways to escape reality when times get hard."

"You worry." Nao grumbled then, shaking her head with a smirk. "You don't have to do that."

"I'd like to think that I don't." It was far from the truth though. Natsuki had to worry, and had to protect Alyssa from the winds of life that no one should face. "But you and I know better." As Natsuki's piercing gaze told Nao all she needed to know, she handed the redhead a newly sharpened pocket knife. "Stay safe if you want to go out today. You'd better come back here so that I know you're okay."

"Keep it, I won't need the damn thing today." Nao sighed then, pulling out a cigarette from her pocket, looking at it and shrugging, knowing she could smoke it in the garage without being yelled at. "I'm not going down for a while. I've gotta go through dad's things today, and pack up. Look for a new place to live, a smaller apartment I think, something not so big."

Natsuki frowned and shoved the knife into Nao's pocket, holding it there when she put her head on Nao's shoulder. "Shithead. Don't go forgetting what we swore to each other. You don't have to be so strong all the time, you know that right?"

"And you don't have to be an ass clown all the time, but you still are." Nao said then, though she knew Natsuki meant well. The both of them had the best of intentions. "I'll be safe, but I've got some stuff to take care of, so I probably won't be back tonight. Nothing to worry about though, I'll call you to check in, let you know I'm still breathing, and all that happy crap. Just make sure you take care of Squirt and your woman, don't worry about me."

…  
(Nao POV)

I've got work to do...stuff I gotta deal with and I don't want Natsuki worrying about it. There used to be a point in my life when I wanted Natsuki following me into the streets every day, and, I guess apart of me still wants that. I can't do that, I can't ask her to keep me company anymore, not really. If something ever happened to her now, Shizuru would be devastated...I'm not even going to think how Alyssa would take it. Natsuki has a reason to live a safe life now, away from all of the crime that goes on. So, even if I want someone to keep me company, it's not like I can ask her to come with me, and Mai is totally worthless.

The house I used to live in, is down town, nearby a local river. It's filled with all kinds of trash, and it's pretty slummy.

Now that my dad's gone, I've gotta clean up some stuff. He wasn't a bad guy, he was just...well, lets just think of him as stupid. Yeah, that should work. Anyway, I'm the only one who cares about that old place, and it's not like I actually live there...in fact, on paper I actually live with my aunt, who lives near the uptown area, I'm about a ten minuet walk from Natsuki's...that's why I usually stay with her. I like Natsuki better, and she actually gets it. My aunt, yeah...that's not exactly the way it works. We just fight, so I avoid her, and she avoids me.

She thinks I'm some problem kid, always has, and likely always will.

I was thinking of asking Natsuki if I could crash with her, but that's probably a bad idea. I know they wouldn't mind or anything, but, it would be kinda odd to be living as a third wheel. That's what bugs me most about Shizuru and Natsuki being together. I can't hang out with my buddy whenever I feel like it, and I can't just crash through the house like I own the place...well, I guess I still could...but it would just feel wrong to do that. Natsuki's been alone for a long time, and whenever Shizuru is around, you can tell. I don't think Natsuki notices a difference, but Mai and I do.

Natsuki's just happier...she's a bit more gentle about things...kinder. I dunno, Natsuki's just different. She used to be more like me, more angry at the word, and things like that. Now, she's just happy, and day by day, she changes into someone that seems like a complete stranger to me. I remember the days when it was us...she was in bandages whenever I saw her, and we'd fight. She was ill back then, and often times, very depressed. She would mope around, and that used to really tick me off...I mean, I knew her mom was gone, but I guess, I just wanted to see her react to something. It pissed me off that she was so quiet, and I could get her to fight with me...so I continued to provoke the reaction.

Then again, I was angry at the world back then.

No one really took the time to understand things, and Natsuki, she didn't need time. She knew instantly. That's the kind of bond we forged. We were both orphans in our own way. Our fathers didn't much care about us, and our mothers, for their own individual reasons, were unable to be there for us. Others had to fill the voids, I just got dealt a shitty hand, my aunt took me out of obligation. I guess Natsuki didn't exactly get lucky either though. You know, it's beyond depressing when a neighborhood has to look after a little kid because her dad doesn't want to come home.

I'm sure people thought we were going to end up worse off, but, the truth is, we would have if it hadn't been for each other.

Natsuki isn't that person though, and I see a clearly defined line within Shizuru. That's when things began to change drastically. It is, what it is. You can't expect someone to be the same forever...maybe Natsuki's right. Maybe I need to stop fighting. Maybe...even if I hate the idea of it, I need to let go...but, what would be on the other side for me? If I let go of my anger, and all of the things that are important to be, what will happen then? What reason would I have to even live anymore beyond that? Natsuki found hers, but, is it important enough to also be my reason?

I don't think so, because it's Natsuki's place...not mine.

One day I'll find my own reason. I know that, because, I can't do this forever. There will be a day that I won't be able to fight the way I can now. A soul will be damaged if they keep going for any length of time, and within Natsuki, you can already see some of the damage that will never be repaired. Even though Shizuru seemed magical at first, I know that now she isn't some fairytale. She can't ever put all the pieces back, some of them are already gone, under the water with the car. That's why I know, even out of an act of self preservation, I can't keep doing this forever.

I just don't know what I'd do with myself if I stopped, since I really don't have a reason of my own to do that yet.

…

"Your teacher will be completely ticked off if you don't finish your homework." Natsuki knew she shouldn't be the one to talk, since she had easily failed her most recent test. Still, Alyssa didn't need to know that. They both sat at the kitchen table, Natsuki studying for the retake that would be coming up shortly, and Alyssa muddling through some very boring coloring of different maps. While that in and of itself sounded easy, it really wasn't considering she also had to label them. Some of the spaces were small, and the color coding seemed repetitive. "Then again, I'd just set that damn thing on fire..." It really was totally pointless. "You won't retain any of that stuff anyway."

"Mom wouldn't like it if I did that." Alyssa sighed, feeling herself growing bored with the project. "Though, it would make me feel better."

"Only until she gets pissed at both of us for being stupid." It was Shizuru's late night, and so, Natsuki had to be the one in charge. "Just because I set my homework on fire doesn't mean you should. You're a better kid than I was." Sometimes, she hated being the responsible parent. It was her job to make sure their kid finished her homework. It was easier said than done though, Natsuki memories of school something negative at Alyssa's age. "I used to throw my stuff in the trash, and get into fistfights...you don't do that." Though, Natsuki sometimes wondered why. Alyssa was a very obedient child, but she also lacked friends. It nearly spelled trouble, at least, in her mind.

"Sometimes, I wish I did." It was a quiet admission, and Natsuki looked up from her advanced trigonometry book at that. "If I did that, people wouldn't hate me." Alyssa's eyes never left her work book, but Natsuki by that time had completely forgotten about the problem she'd been reviewing. "Some people may even think I'm cool."

Natsuki rested her face on her one hand as she leaned on the table. She searched for some sign, anything for an answer, but it just didn't come to her. "Why would people hate you?" It didn't make sense.

Alyssa, being the wise little girl she was, hadn't missed a beat. "Having four parents is a little weird."

Natsuki nodded slowly at that. She didn't see what the problem with that was until the implied undercurrent finally hit her. "You mean because we're weird." Natsuki assumed it would be a bit odd, gay parents were one thing, but Alyssa's entire life was filled with the lifestyle. Shizuru surrounded herself with people much like herself...it wasn't normal by any means, but then again, it wasn't insanely unbelievable either. "I can see how other kids would sort of freak out at that."

"I'm weird. I'm one of the smartest kids in class, and because I'm actually a grade ahead of where I should be, I'm also the youngest in the class." Alyssa corrected. "I have four parents, and none of them like who they should like...and grandma walks around in nearly nothing...and she's even weirder than I am." Natsuki shuttered at the thought of Shizuru's mother, the only real grandparent to accept the situation unconditionally. "I really like that I have a big family..." Alyssa always looked for the good in things. "I just don't like school."

Natsuki sighed while nodding.

"That's the trade off." Natsuki tousled Alyssa's hair, finally getting what Shizuru meant about being a wallflower. "I only had a few friends, but I didn't have a family...I had to make my own. You have a huge family...but I guess the price has to come someplace." Alyssa was sometimes smarter than she should be for a girl her age, and that was likely another strike on a long list. It would be hard for a girl like her to fit in, she was years ahead of the other children in her class, at least emotionally. "There's always home school as an option...but that's pretty lonely too. I liked it better though, the good things I found outweighed the loneliness."

"Could I do home school?" Alyssa seemed to perk up at that, and it made Natsuki ponder the idea.

"You really don't want to be around the other kids, do you?" Natsuki could see it in Alyssa's eyes.

"Not really." The admission was more than those two simple words. It was an honest request. Alyssa was hopeful at the mere idea, as if she were clawing for an escape.

"We'll see." Natsuki said then. "I have to talk to your mom before anything is decided."

…  
(Natsuki POV)

Sometimes, I wonder if Shizuru's forgotten what it's like to be a kid, or if I'm really just that immature.

Alyssa is happy not to say things. She doesn't want to worry her mother about the way she feels. I think, it's her way of trying to protect Shizuru. I don't have the heart to tell Alyssa to speak up, because I know that's just not how she is. I don't even know why she said anything to me about it. Though, if I had to make a guess, it's because she's very observant, and she sees Nao and Mai...how freely they interact with me, how we all just sort of click like friends should.

Shizuru's friendships are less jovial and more formal.

They sip tea, not play video games. They talk about current events, and we talk about the newest gun or motorcycle out on the market. They're noteworthy people, with good job, and living what they all consider to be fairly stable lives...some with partners, others without anyone, preferring to live alone. When they do fight, the barbs aren't blunted, and the tiniest of insults meant to cause a world of pain for them.

We beat each other in the head with pillows, or sometimes with Nao, I just haul off and punch her...she does the same to me. We forgo pleasantries. We take money out of each others wallets. We fling food in any general direction we please...

Alyssa sees all of that.

I'm sure part of the reason Shizuru's friends act holier than thou, is mostly due to their age, but part of it is the fact that Shizuru's a quiet person by nature. She doesn't like the idea of setting bottle rockets off inside of a closed space, because that's dangerous...it isn't funny. My friends, especially Nao, are just a different breed. I know we get kind of stupid, but that's just our way...we blow off steam anyway we can, and sometimes, bad things happen...I don't know about the rest of the world, but we never did claim to be perfect.

Alyssa takes notice of Nao and Mai, because they're cool...we're older, but not that much older...and we have enough recollection of vivid memories, times we can look back on, when we were her age. It wasn't all that long ago. She may call me something that eludes to being a parent, but in all honesty, she also knows the truth. I'm only acting that way because she wants to see me as that sort of person. I don't care what she sees me as. As long as she knows I'm a human being with flaws like everyone else, and yeah, I'm going to make a mistake here and there,but in the end I'll be whatever she needs me to be.

I like to think that's how all of my friendships, and relationship with Shizuru works too.

Still, Alyssa is becoming more in more introverted, and her independence while kinda nice, also worries me. I Do think home school would be good for Alyssa. It would give her a break from everyone else around her, especially if we found her some extra things to do for the social activity. Sports, or a dance class or something, I'm not really sure. I think that might work, or at least, I'm hoping it will. I guess we'll have to see...in the end, Shizuru and Reito know what's best...in time's like this, it's always best to just leave the situation up to them.


End file.
